New York Attitude in The Land of 10,000 Lakes
MN Nice Not So Nice
We grew up in Minneapolis, MN, and by default the surrounding suburbs. About 10 years ago we moved to IL, but couldn’t stand it so we moved back to good ol’ Minnesota. We both have big and loud personalities, although we can be quite shy at times. We tend to be blunt and love a good cause to fight for. We’ll talk and shout about what we’re passionate about until we go hoarse. We aspire for greatness. We have big dreams. Some would say ridiculous. We’re the type of people who watch WWE wrestling and cheer loudly in our living room. Our ex-husbands hated this.
Minnesotans tend to be typical, tough Tauruses. They plow ahead valiantly through massive snowstorms, extreme heat, road construction, floods, storms, tornadoes, and life in general. Minnesotans are consistent and reliable. They work hard and you can trust them to show up. But they won’t do anything beyond that. If you push a regular Minnesotan to greatness they will push back and knock you over. They don’t like to be uncomfortable and are happy to settle for a roof over their head and food on the table. They don’t take risks and love to play it safe. If you need a Minnesotan to fight for you or make a revolutionary change it may be best to look to a different area of the country.
We kept thinking maybe WE could change. Or maybe we could change Minnesota. If we worked and loved hard enough maybe we could learn to get along. But we’ve learned that will never happen. You see, our dreams get squashed here. We always get told “no, stop being ridiculous. You aim too high.” We belong in someplace like New York. As we say, MN, the land of 10,000 lakes to drown your dreams.
Our most basic and important dream is for disability rights. Not only do we have chronic illnesses, but Rachel’s 14-year-old daughter also has autism and a speech/language disorder. On July 26 we celebrate the introduction of the ADA, the American’s With Disabilities Act. This makes it illegal to discriminate against people with disabilities. When our daughter was in grade school her teachers were awesome. She was given so much special attention and love. Her favorite teacher even waited to retire until our daughter went to Middle School. In Middle School, everything changed. The teacher acts as a babysitter. When we brought it up the Principal actually screamed at us.
This is what we mean by Minnesotans push back aggressively when you nudge them to improve. Our entire lives we've been told to be quiet and nicely ask for what we need or want. It doesn’t matter what’s happening, BE NICE. That means don’t swear, keep your voice down, be polite, and be gentle. Someone attacks your family? Be nice. Demoted at work? Be nice. Someone spread a vicious lie/rumor about you? Be nice. Dock in pay? Be nice. Dumped, cheated on, struck by a significant other? Be nice. Charged a fake bill? Be nice. Teacher neglecting a child? Be nice. Well, we say, when you’re being raped, SCREAM!
Turn the other cheek. Just take it. If it’s really a grievance, calmly and quietly call them out and file a formal complaint through the right resources. But whatever you do, don’t get mad! Yeah, we get it, we don’t solve our differences with duals anymore, but sometimes you need to shout and get mad! Like Anton Lavey said, “If a man smites thee on the cheek, smash him on the other!” We’re not Christians so please don’t expect us to act like ones. We’re Pagans. If you punch us you better believe we’re hitting back. Although with our fibromyalgia and arthritis/whatever else we couldn’t do much damage.
Rachel was a restaurant manager for many years in Minnesota. Her fiery attitude and passion were just too much for them. Not to mention she has green hair and an alternative look. They said they didn’t care, but when it came to promotions. Oh yes, they cared. The restaurant had a bartender who loved to say that he was better than any bar manager. That he was the bar manager. It was HIS bar. He forever declined a manager position. Again in typical Minnesota form, he enjoyed staying put and being comfortable. And upper management allowed him to act like this. And if anyone ever made him upset, well they couldn’t let the baby cry.
Upon investigation, Rachel found out that he had a permit expired that he legally needed through the city we worked in in order to legally serve alcohol. She has OCD, as does Rhea, and gets obsessed with small details like that. Not much gets past either one of us. It turned out NONE of “HIS” bartenders had this permit either. And neither did the GM. She quietly went to the private Facebook page they had and explained why this was unacceptable. Well, she got her ass handed to her for calling them out “publicly.” Which if she had wanted to do it publicly she could have easily pointed it out to the city, which she didn’t. The point was that if this baby bartender wanted to take responsibility for “his” bar then it was his fault all the permits were expired. He clearly didn’t handle this very well as he had an utter meltdown instead of taking responsibility.
Rachel was told we don’t call out people in front of others. Which was a special rule just for her. Other managers did it too. But people notice when the two of us speak. They pay attention. Since we have mirror-touch synesthesia and empathy people feel upset when we call them out. When this baby bartender met Rhea he had a meltdown for some odd reason. He made it his life mission to target her in a very public way. We still don’t know why.
When we look at politics we see politicians calling each other out publicly constantly. Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York called on President Donald Trump to wear a mask. He even superimposed a mask on Trump’s face during a national briefing. Nancy Pelosi called Trump “morbidly obese.” She renamed the coronavirus the “Trump Virus.” And she nicknamed Trump “Mr. Make Matters Worse.” Trump himself used Twitter to call out Governors and Mayors all the time. This is by no means exclusive to him. Chris Cuomo, Andrew Cuomo’s little brother, the anchor of Cuomo Prime Time on CNN said “You should be mad as hell.” Of course, New York Assemblyman Ron Kim does the same thing.
We see a trend among all these fiery assholes. They are all in politics and most of them are from New York. If our great leaders are calling out people like this, why can’t we? If our fellow co-managers are doing it, why can’t we? Minnesota takes this niceness too far. And the ironic thing is a year after Rachel warned these bartenders to get their city permits the city sued them for failing to do so. We’ll admit she felt some vindication from that. She was right.
Minnesota could be great, but they run-up to the finish line and then take a nap before crossing it. They always just barely miss the bar. We have some of the best schools in the country until they fall short. Yet, our unemployment benefits are far more generous than other states. We have some great hospitals and scientists. We tend to be more open-minded to the LGBTQIA+ community. And MN has voted Blue for many, many years. But we’ve realized after reading Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s stance on the importance of including the disabled community in life that we’d be a better fit for New York than MN.
This is the perfect example of gaslighting. As people who were married to abusive jerks for about 11 years, we know all too well what this is. When Rachel’s ex-husband would ignore her for days and make her fight all her battles alone she would get upset. Because he was always so “nice,” and “soft-spoken,” she was the bad guy. The lioness. If they had to live her life they would have quickly realized he had no idea how to love. Ignoring someone is abuse. Minnesotans are so good at this. Riling you up, making you cry, and then blaming you.
That’s why we say fuck you, MN. So long and thanks for all the fish. You can keep your corpse.
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